PseudoScience Friday: Saints and Shimmers

Well, I told you Annihilation was nonfiction. 

Did you listen? No, of course not. No one listens to me.

Even so, this insanely-rare albino lobster-- 1 in 100 million, allegedly --was caught off the "New England coast," which only narrows it down to several thousands of miles of actual coast when you factor in all the islands and such.

I am surprised he wasn't found off the coast of the Florida Panhandle, given the fact that 'Shimmy' (I don't know what they call him up in New England but he looks like a 'Shimmy') shares a color scheme with that whole "alien" business that we saw in the docudrama some poor souls actually still believe was just a science fiction film. (Sorry, poor souls. It wasn't).

Actually, 'Shimmy' there was trapped off the coast of Deer Island, where an ill-starred lad some of you may remember with the unlikely name of Orion once lived happily with his equally ill-starred family. 

Which also means 'Shimmy' was snatched just across the channel from Rockport, where an excitable Croatian fellow fresh out of Uncle Sidney's Finishing School for Sociopaths was dropping caps and calling down millions-year-old entities using spinster psychics locked up in Faraday cages.

2018 really is the year all the various tributaries converge into one great, big, raging river, don't you agree?

This is a remarkable story since you have a 55-foot fin whale beaching at Duxbury, which is on the shallow Massachusetts Bay. Massachusetts gets a lot of beachings but usually on the Cape (and on oceanside). 

That poor guy was way out of its usual waters and is yet another somewhat anomalous stranding at a beach that I spent a significant chunk of time at when I was a wee wane. I'd link to previous mentions of this phenomenon but, as you know, I am lazy.

My guess is that it's all because of the Navy running weird-ass sonar and ULF tests around Boston Harbor. On the other hand, UFOs. Then again, the Navy and UFOs running tests together can't be ruled out either.

Oh, I wish I were joking.

Wow, lots of activity around Hawaii lately. It all kind of started with that weird false-alarm with the missile and junk that coincidentally took place on the 32nd anniversary of the release of The Pink Opaque back in January. You know, that business with the sirens. Things have been a little tense out there ever since.

And another item from The Secret Sun's cetacean news desk: a sexed-up bottlenose wreaking havoc in France's Bay of Brest. Because the gods are inveterate Synchromystics. 

In a related story, a nymphomaniacal porpoise is terrorizing sailors in the Gulf of Testes.

Now I'm not saying this is in any way Shimmery, but you can't help be struck by the timing and the location. Red tides have been around forever but on the other hand, northern Florida. 

If memory serves, the Church of Scientology's HQ is in Pinellas. Is there a connection? Probably not. 

But then again, Aleister Crowley.

Awesome. I hope they shimmer before they crush grown men and swallow them whole. Horrible mutants should at least have the courtesy to glow with pretty colors before they digest you.

Yeah, that's totally normal. Thousands of bees swarming around a single dirty-water dog stand on 43rd St? Man, you can set your watch to it. I think 1010 WINS has a bee-attack forecasting app for Android. Or maybe it's the Weather Channel.

Hey, who's the wiseass out there saying he never once saw a single honeybee in Midtown Manhattan in his entire life?

Oh, wait; that was me.

This is awesome news. Just awesome. 

In fact, weren't we just talking about how what the world really needs is a good flesh-eating venereal disease? Then again, it seems to me that any STD gone untreated would start to get a bit hungry for your flesh after a while. That is, if those old mind-scarring filmstrips from high school sex ed are anything to go by.

Of course, this could all be total bullshit planted to advance some kind of agenda or other. Because the only worse liars than scientists are the science media. Still; interesting how Shimmery this microbe looks. Then again, Photoshop.

 Is there anything that isn't a hoax anymore?

I guess this headline is there to remind us why it's called Popular Science and not Popular Logic.

I don't want to infer the fine folks at PopSci are FUCKING MORONS ill-informed or anything, but maybe all these ubiquitous fuck-me apps like Tinder and Grindr and Tingle and so on and so forth have something to do with the explosion of fresh STD diagnoses.

Hey, you know me; I think a reclusive diva from the early 80s is an oracle in the classical sense. But I don't know, maybe it's worth a look. Unless you live in mortal terror of pissing off a potential adverti...

Forget I mentioned it.

Listen Science, I know you think you're all big swinging dicks with these kinds of stunts but if you really want to impress the world, turn off whatever gene that limits the lives of dogs (and cats) to such a heartbreakingly-short span. Don't get too crazy- let's start with 25 years. We can work our way up from there.

OK, get to work. Don't go poking those greasy little heads out of your labs until you get it done, now.

Hmm. Good to see Wired is taking a stand and publishing some real hard-hitting science and not just some not-even-barely-disguised product placement for an already-ubiquitous brand of entrainment coffee. Bold.

Wired�: We are a Corporate Trash Rag for Techno-Midwits�


We're doomed.

We're doomed.

We're doomed.

We're doomed.

We're doomed.


Oh... hey there, Steve. 

Say Steve, is it true you're not actually some new kind of aurora but are in fact some kind of arcane carrier beam for Cosmo-Demonic discarnate entities invading our biosphere and sucking away our very souls? 

This wouldn't have anything to so with CERN and all that antimatter bother, would it? Or the mock human sacrifices and whatnot?

Maybe something drawing in cosmic rays from--oh, I don't know, the vicinity of Vega-- and collecting them in giant particle accelerators in order to kick open some kind of impossibly-ancient dimensional gateway or whatever?

Just curious, Steve. Say hello to your mother for me.

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