Meet Your New Gods 3: Mermaid Apocalypse Now!



We shall swim out to that brooding reef in the sea and dive down through black abysses to Cyclopean and many-columned Y�ha-nthlei, and in that lair of the Deep Ones we shall dwell amidst wonder and glory for ever.  
- HP Lovecraft, "The Shadow Over Innsmouth"


Well, it's only a matter of time now. Don't feel too bad, we had a good run. And there's probably a few more good years left. I'd say at least a decade. But then again, I'm a starry-eyed optimist.

I know what you're all thinking. You're asking yourselves, "what the hell is that idiot babbling on about now?"

Oh, didn't you hear?   





The first seal was broken in the Great Mermaid Apocalypse. 

You see, the Great War-- the War to End All Wars-- didn't start with mustard gas, gatling guns and the Somme, it began with the assassination of some inbred heir to a dying empire, a man most of the world neither knew or cared about.   

And so it is that in the midst of an absolute avalanche of mermaid entrainment-- the likes of which I can't recall ever seeing in half-century-- the Rubicon was crossed and the journey to the New Atlantis began.


It seems like such a small thing-- a bit of tilapia skin used to create a vagina for an unfortunate woman born without one-- but could the symbolism be any more screamingly-obvious? 


In the grip of a worldwide baby bust and an overall mood of toxic anti-natalism in much of the developed world, a woman gains the ability to reproduce with the help of "medical fish skin?"

If that doesn't set off the bells and whistles in your brain then you dropped in here by mistake. Hit the back arrow so you can get back on your merry way to Barstool Sports or Huffpost or wherever else you came from. 

Toodles.  


Now bear in mind the coming onslaught of designer gene splicing, the continuing rise of transgenics and chimeras and all of a sudden Mermania starts to look not quite so innocuous. Never mind that Mermaids were once seen as pretty horrific creatures--born killers at best. 

Now they're aspirational figures.

There's going to be a lot more to say about this in the near future, but let me just clear the decks of all this data that's been piling up on my hard drive. 

And for those all clever folks out there who counter that Mermaids are just the new vampires or zombies, do you seriously believe that those entrainment campaigns haven't themselves created massive disruptions in the body politic? 

Notice that the zombie fad just happened to coincide with-- if not kick off shortly before-- the opioid pandemic?

Think about it.



UPDATE: Timing is everything: the Merpocalypse has its candidate. Or its false prophet. The real question with Schultz's retirement is did he jump or was he pushed?



MERMAIDS ARE SOMETHING YOU CAN BECOME




















MERMAIDS ARE HOT AT THE MOTION PICTURE SHOWS






MERMAIDS ARE HOT AT THE THEATRE







And don't forget the hundreds of Little Mermaid musical productions out there. There's probably one in a town near you. 

MERMAIDS: BECOME ONE AND FIND THE OTHERS









MERMAIDS: SEE THEM IN THE WILD





MERMAIDS BECOMING STARS OF PUBLIC RITUALS




Bonus Siouxsie-Sibyl Swimming Horses


Hey, that outfit looks familiar. Where have I seen that before?

Right.

How appropriate that the author of American Gods would preside over festivals for our new gods.


MERMAIDS: WORK OUT LIKE THEM







MERMAIDS: DO YOUR MAKEUP LIKE THEM









MERMAIDS: YOU CAN DRINK THEM







MERMAIDS: YOU CAN VAPE THEM

 
Note strawberries. Crypto-Fraserfarian vape-makers?



MERMAIDS MERPEOPLE: YOU CAN FUCK THEM

Scarlett, mascot for Richard Branson's new swingers' boat.






The actual reality, I'd guess.

MERMAIDS: THEY WILL FUCK YOU UP













MERMAIDS ARE INTERSECTIONAL






MERMAIDS ARE INTERSECTIONAL AMPHIBIANS



OLD ONES: THEY CAME FROM THE DEEPEST, DARKEST REACHES OF SPACE
















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Twilight of the Immortals